A bit on developments

My last post, which I dated for when I composed it, but just published here today, was a breaking point for our family.

February and March 2011 were the two hardest months I have experienced in many, many years. My daughter, who from here I will simply refer to as Di, was still tiny and defenseless, my son was completely out of control and I was suffering from postpartum depression to a degree I did not believe possible.

As I posted there, the psychologist had failed us, the experts had no idea what to do with him. I was told over and over that if things got bad, I could just take him to the ER. But there was no help to keep that from happening, no steps between "almost out of control" and "admitted to the only available psych ward." In our case, we do not have access to a pediatric psych ward, so he'd have been housed with adults with psychiatric illness. Not exactly ideal for a four year old.

I reached out for help for myself. Exhausted, frustrated, scared, and having regular panic attacks, I reached out for help to my family doctor. I explained how dangerous my son can be, and told him how I absolutely could not risk being incapacitated by a panic attack. My husband works nights, and is home during the day, so I would wake him if I needed him, which I was doing with increasing frequency.

He called CPS on me for, to quote the paperwork, "neglect and failure to provide appropriate supervision for a child." Instead of offering help or counseling, or medication, he set the authorities on me and for five very difficult days, I could not have unsupervised access to my own child.

The case was closed as unfounded, after the social workers had pried into every corner of my life and my son's condition. My son's team - psychologist, IBI tutor, speech therapist, occupational therapist, preschool autism specialist, and pediatrician - were all contacted, as well as my own therapist who was quite surprised to be hearing from them. As far as I am aware, every person told them roughly the same thing - that my son is exceptionally well taken care of, that he is quite violent at times, and that I am very good at managing his tendencies.

This experienced proved to me how difficult it is to get help as a parent of a violent autistic child. I could not speak to my family physician about my fears and mindset without being put through an intensely stressful process.

Now that the file has been closed for nearly six months, I feel comfortable talking about it. I think it is important to talk about it. So, this blog is my platform on which to do so. So I will.